The Climb to Authentic Fulfilment — Why You Feel Unfulfilled Despite Doing It All

Do you ever wonder why you feel unfulfilled, even when your life looks “perfect” from the outside?

Why do I feel exhausted from trying to keep everyone else happy but never quite satisfied myself?

How do I stop people-pleasing and start living authentically without losing those I care about?

Why is it so hard to set boundaries without feeling guilty?

What if the way I’ve been “doing life” is making me feel empty inside?

If you’re asking these questions, you’re not alone. Many people live with a deep, quiet ache—caught between the roles they play and the truth of who they really are. They keep climbing higher, pushing harder, hoping to reach a place of peace and fulfillment. But the journey often feels overwhelming, lonely, and uncertain.

The “Performing to Belong” Trap — Why Being Someone Else Doesn’t Fulfill You

Why am I balancing endless roles, expectations, and responsibilities, all while carrying the fear of failure, guilt, or letting others down.

Imagine climbing a vast gorge in Morocco—towering cliffs, winding paths, and a deepvalley below. You’re connected by a rope to others climbing with you. The higher you go, the more you worry: What if I slip? What if I fall—and drag everyone attached to me down?

This is the feeling many of us live with—balancing endless roles, expectations, and responsibilities, all while carrying the fear of failure, guilt, or letting others down.

The rope that holds everyone together represents you—the “be” in the Be-Do-Have cycle. When you’re climbing life’s steep walls trying to be the “perfect” parent, partner, employee, or friend, you might be stretching yourself thin to hold the whole group’s safety. You believe that if you don’t perform exactly right (be strong, do the right things), the whole group—your relationships, your career, your sense of belonging—will unravel.

The climb to authentic fulfilment begins with understanding why you feel unfulfilled despite doing it all.

Understanding the Be-Do-Have Model in Your Life

The Be-Do-Have model helps us see why we feel stuck:

• Be: You try to be the perfect version of yourself—or what others expect. Maybe the “always available” parent, the “hardworking” employee, or the “fixer” friend. But this identity might be based on outdated beliefs or pressure, not your authentic self.

• Do: You do all the things—work late, take care of everyone’s needs, keep smiling through the stress—hoping to have love, acceptance, and success.

• Have: You want to have fulfilment, peace, and connection, but because your “be” isn’t truly you, no amount of doing fills the void.

We face detours, obstacles, and moments of uncertainty.

The Zig-Zag Road of Life

Look at a winding highway carving through the hills. Life’s path isn’t straight or predictable. It twists and turns—sometimes moving sideways or even seeming to go backward. We expect a steady climb, but instead, we face detours, obstacles, and moments of uncertainty.

Yet, many of us push harder, thinking if we just keep going—do more, try harder—we’ll reach that peak of happiness and fulfilment.

The Cost of Doing It All for Others

Picture a lone woman scaling a steep cliff, searching for a rare wild grass to make a special tea. She risks everything—not for herself—but to impress or support others. She believes this sacrifice will make her special or enough. But deep down, she’s isolated and stretched thin.

This is what it feels like to live for others’ approval—to perform to belong. It’s exhausting, lonely, and ultimately unfulfilling.

The Empty Desert Inside

A vast, empty place where joy, connection, and fulfilment feel distant or impossible.

Even after all the climbing and doing, sometimes there’s a desert inside—a vast, empty place where joy, connection, and fulfilment feel distant or impossible. You might have everything on paper but still feel disconnected from your true self.

How Boundaries, Authenticity, and Self-Choice Change the Climb

What if the rope holding you wasn’t stretched thin by fear, guilt, or expectation—but anchored in your authentic self? What if this was the key to stop feeling unfulfilled?

Setting clear boundaries protects your energy. Saying no when you need to creates space to say yes to what truly matters. Choosing yourself doesn’t mean abandoning others; it means showing up fully and honestly in every role you play.

This is hard work, especially when guilt or shame shows up. But breaking free from the “performing to belong” trap is the first step toward real fulfilment.

How L.E.A.F. Can Guide You Back to You

In my 6-week L.E.A.F. course starting November 11, 2025, we explore the Be-Do-Have model and others to:

• Discover authentic fulfilment, which parts of your “be” are authentic and which are borrowed or forced.

• Uncover the beliefs and emotional needs driving your actions.

• Build healthy boundaries that honor your truth.

• Practice authentic self-expression while maintaining your important life roles.

Because the climb isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being real.

If you’re ready to stop performing and start living from the inside out, I invite you to join L.E.A.F.

Ready to reconnect with your authentic self and find fulfilment?

Learn more and sign up for L.E.A.F. here: https://www.spiritlight.com.au/on-line-programs